Unsure of Treatment for my Central Serous Retinopathy

Some of you know this but I'm sure many of you don't but I have a rare eye condition called Central Serous Retinopathy (CSR). In short, I have swelling and scarring on my retina that affects my vision. Usually, for most people, this stuff clears up on its own in a few short months or goes away after treatment. Mine, on the other hand, has lingered for a good 6 years. I go annually to see an ophthalmologist (Dr. Keith Fisher, great doctor if you need one) to monitor my condition.

Each year the prognosis is the same: the fluid is still there, no change. The condition seems stable which is good and bad: good that it's not progressing, troubling that is has remained for SOooooo long. Anytime there is fluid under a person's retina, doctors give pause and usually seek means to remove it. Doctors really aren't sure what causes CSR. They also aren't really sure how to effectively treat it. And the fact that mine has moved in and taken up residence for the majority of my adult life, that makes things even more complicated.

At my visit today, my doctor recommended a possible treatment to remove the fluid that is present. Rifampin is a medicine used for the treatment of TB but has been shown to have positive effects with CSR. Here's an article discussing it.

There are many questions to be considered when deciding whether or not I should pursue this treatment.

1. My vision has worsened slightly each year for the last few years. What's the direct cause of it? Is it just the natural effects of age or is it the fluid that currently sits in several spots under my retina?

2. There are side effect risks associated with any medicine. Rifampin has some minor side-effects, like all medicines, but it has also been known to cause trouble with a person's liver. Not to mention that my urine, stools, saliva, sputum, sweat, and tears may turn red-orange (this they declare to be harmless). Can you imagine? Me turning red-orange every time I got a little sweaty? Or having big streaks down my face every time I shed some tears? That's one more reason for me to avoid exercise and sad chick-flicks, I suppose.

3. If Kyle and I consider having children soon (didn't say that we are..just if), this medicine could affect that greatly.

4. There is no telling how long I should remain on the medicine if I do start to take it. In the studies done, it seems that the fluid returned after patients stopped taking Rifampin. Would I have to take this medicine indefinitely?

Whenever considering any type of treatment, there are so many factors to weigh. I honestly don't know what to do. Talking about it makes me feel anxious but oddly enough, writing about it has taken some of the anxiety away, though it hasn't given any insight into what I should do. Since I've lived with this condition for 6+ years, there's no need for a hasty decision. Normally the decision has been "wait and see what happens." With my vision gradually deteriorating each year, very slightly, I wander when the benefit will outweigh the risks.

Please pray that Kyle and I can make a wise decision about this. I want to take care of the body God has given me best that I can (sans exercise, of course) and I don't want to make a hasty decision or delay a treatment that will be beneficial.

Demotivators

Maybe I'm just cynical but I think these are stinking funny. For more, check out despair.com.

Does Nothing In Biology Make Sense Except in the Light of Evolution?

"Nothing in biology makes sense except in light of evolution." One of my professors said this to me in 2004 when I was struggling with aligning evolution with my faith in Christ. His words caused me great angst and I prayed and cried many tears in search of the truth. After several years, though I've learned much evidence to point out the flaws in NeoDarwinian evolutionary theory, my general conclusion remains the same: there is a person named Jesus Christ who walked this earth, died on the cross, and rose from the grave proving His divinity. This all points to an active and benevolent God who created the earth not by means of chance but with intentionality and forethought. Without sheer uninhibited chance, there is no evolution in its true NeoDarwinian sense. Sorry folks. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Anywho, I like this Podcast (link below) discussing that devilish quote. Seems like NeoDarwinism is more of a philosophical position than a necessity to be successful in the world of science. Whodathunkit? :)

Does Nothing In Biology Make Sense Except in the Light of Evolution?

Mercy for the merciful

Just a brief note on some connections I've been making recently. For the next few weeks, we'll be studying spiritual gifts in the Jr. High Sunday School class. This week we started off looking at 1 Cor. 12:4-7, where the gifts come from, what their purpose is, etc. To wrap up the class and lead into next week's class, I had my students start working on a Spiritual Gifts Survey. I completed the survey the night before, and as expected, I was strong in certain areas (teaching and administration) and weak in others (mercy and exhortation). This was no surprise to me, particularly in my weak areas because I am very aware that my first and natural tendency is not to build others up, but instead to tear them down and build myself up. (Praise the Lord His love for me is based on His holiness and steadfastness and not my own or I would be without hope!)

After taking the test and thinking about the results more this morning, I began making some connections that I wasn't too keen on...not because they were bad connections but because they require repentance and change on my part. The last several weeks, I continue to go back to and think on Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. The portion that stood out to me recently is Matthew5:7, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy." The merciful, huh? Well, that excludes me, at least most times.

Though my spiritual giftedness is not characterized by mercy, I still must extend mercy for God calls His followers to exhibit the character of Christ. Christ's life was characterized by mercy. Mine should be as well. Though it is not something I am naturally inclined to do, I must extend mercy to those people I feel do not deserve it...especially if I wish to be the recipient of mercy myself. And boy, do I!

This all connects back to my struggle to love the unlovable, as I wrote about in a previous post. I must extend mercy to that person who has wronged me and those around me. I struggle tremendously with this...and I'm afraid that I must admit that thus far, I have been disobedient. Hopefully by posting these things publicly on my blog and Facebook (though few will read it), I will be held more accountable to follow through with this requirement of obedience.

Lord, my heart longs to be pleasing to You but my flesh desires to satisfy itself through prideful actions and an unmerciful attitude. Please break my stubborn spirit so that my thoughts and actions bring You glory.

Graduation Pictures

I’m just checking this Windows Live Writer thing out to see if it actually works and if it is more user-friendly than the BlogSpot interface. In the meantime, enjoy these graduation photos from our family’s visit in December when Kyle and I earned our Masters degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Graduation 2010 VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

And I attempted to make a quick video using Windows Live Movie Maker.  Same photos, just put to music and a bit snazzier transitions.

Graduation Video, 2010

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Loving when there's no desire to do so

I feel that I must always start my blog posts with an apology concerning my posting delinquency. But then I think...hey, no one is relying on me for current news, words of wisdom, or posts of any scheduled nature so relax.

I've been feeling particularly reflective and introspective the last few days. When I feel that way, it usually turns into me discovering areas of my life that are far from where they should be. Such is the case today. I do not write this post for anyone to pity me or try to "encourage" me that the situation is otherwise for I know the state of my heart. I would covet your prayers though for my further sanctification and diligence in obedience and removal of anything in my life that is not of Christ.

Though, by the forgiveness that Christ offers through His sacrifice, my sins have been removed and His righteousness accounted to me, I still struggle with my old flesh (Romans 7). The particular plight of my heart as of recent is my inability to love a certain person. While I would greatly enjoy (for the gratification of my spiteful flesh) delving into all the legitimate reasons I have for not loving this person, that's not the issue.

The issue is this: I'm disobeying God because I am not seeking to love this person as He commands. Instead, I'm seeking to find further reason to dislike this person at each turn...and my searching is always fruitful. But again...how legitimate my dislike for a person may be, no matter how abhorrent this person's actions, no matter how dishonorable the person is to the name of Christ has no bearing on this situation. God's command is to love, period.

My recent study of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7 keeps bringing this to the forefront (see Matthew 5:38-48 at the bottom). God calls me not to retaliate when I am the victim of personal injustice. Instead of retaliating, I am to be generous and...ugh...loving. I am so conflicted in how to love this person. First is my obvious battle with fleshly desires. This person doesn't deserve love so I'm more than reluctant to give it. Secondly, there are real and serious issues of immorality, disobedience, and blatant disregard for God that must be addressed. How can I love in such a way as to show God's gracious and merciful character while not endorsing this person's actions and lifestyle? These two reasons intertwine to cause a great problem for me: I do not speak to this person because I know the only thing I will say will be rebuke. How can I show love to this person when I can't even bring myself to speak to the person?

This situation of my disobedience is all the more dire when I recall 1 John 4:20-21: "If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother." If I am to say that I am a Christian and that I love God, I must love this person. This person proclaims to know Christ, and though living in willful disobedience to God's commands, I am still commanded to extend love to this person. I post this to ask that you, dear friends, join in praying for me that I can do this.

Oh, LORD, you know my struggle right now. You know how my only desire is to give this person "what for" for the wrong they have been doing to me and others. I have no desire to show this person compassion or love. I don't even know where to begin. But you do. You are the perfect example of steadfast love of those who don't deserve it. You love me in spite of all that I say, think, and do. Please allow me to love through your power for if I must love through my own, I will certainly fail.


Matthew 5:38-48

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Her Story

Please take a few minutes to watch this video about our dear friends, Jeff and Audrea Medina. Pray for them and about how God might be leading you to encourage and support them.

Expectant but not expecting

Thought that title would get your attention. :) I'm not pregnant (as far as my finite mind can be sure about anything...but I'm pretty certain on this one). I'm just excited about what God has in store in our future and thankful for what He's been doing. I've been encouraged by the opportunities for ministry and growth in our Sunday School department. Kyle and I are getting nearer to graduation and hopefully a job for me. :) Things are going really well with Kelsey living with us and it's a great blessing to see her growing in Christ.

Though the alternator is on its last breath in ole black beauty and Kyle's car has over 200,000 miles on it and accelerates from a stop like an old man trying to get out of a deep, comfortable chair, we trust that God will continue to provide for us as He always has. Though Kyle works hard hours at FedEx and many hours at the church for what amounts to be less than minimum wage per hour (salary pay) and I only get to sub a handful of times per month, we still have enough to tithe, pay our bills, and even enjoy some times out to eat and football games. We have wonderful family members that are traveling 2,000 miles round trip in December to attend mine and Kyle's graduation from seminary though we'll be home a few weeks after that for Christmas. We've been able to attend seminary without incurring any loans to pay for our education.

God is good and I just wanted to publicly thank Him.

Psalm 111
1 Praise the Lord!
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart,
in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
2 Great are the works of the Lord,
studied by all who delight in them.
3 Full of splendor and majesty is his work,
and his righteousness endures forever.
4 He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered;
the Lord is gracious and merciful.
5 He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.
6 He has shown his people the power of his works,
in giving them the inheritance of the nations.
7 The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy;
8 they are established forever and ever,
to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
9 He sent redemption to his people;
he has commanded his covenant forever.
Holy and awesome is his name!
10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
all those who practice it have a good understanding.
His praise endures forever!

Long Overdue Update

I'm really almost ashamed to post to my blog right now because I've been so terribly delinquent in keeping up with it. My apologies to those two or three people who might be interested in reading about my life or my thoughts.

I suppose I'll give a rundown of the last seven months because it has been a whirlwind of a year thus far and I'm not expecting it to slow down. Reflecting, even if no one else is interested to hear it or if they already know it, is helpful for me in processing what God is doing in my life. Since I'm home alone tonight (Kyle at preteen DNow as a chaperone and Kelsey at her grandparent's birthday party), I must reflect to you dear people via the web.

At the end of January and beginning of February, I began training a nice lady to take my position at the seminary as I began fulltime studies again here at the seminary. For a few weeks in February, I worked 40 hours a week and took 12 hours of graduate level classes. Kudos to those who sustain that type of schedule long term. I wouldn't be able to do it. The last two weeks of school, I had nearly 100 pages of papers to write! I believe my fingers are permanently damaged from typing so much.

In February, I began substitute teaching in the Everman Independent School District, mostly in the Junior and Senior High Schools. That was an adventure. I was cussed at, forced to break up fights, had students walk out of classrooms, and asked the craziest questions by the students that, sadly, reflected their fallen worldview. But I was also hugged by students at all age levels, able to help with their classwork, and complimented by teachers and administration on how I did as a substitute.

In March, we took a youth mission trip to Arizona to help Mike and Debbie Bishop with their church plant (video from this in the previous post). Five people accepted Christ and many of us grew in Christ from the experience.

After spring classes ended in May, Kyle and I traveled home to Kentucky for our nephew Tyler's graduation from high school. Tyler rode back home with us and spent a week with us. While Tyler was in, we found out that Rylie has heart worms. The vet said that without treatment, Rylie would die a painful death in a few years. It was a difficult decision but Kyle and I opted to get treatment for her in spite of the high cost. Rylie has done well through the two required rounds of treatment and will go in next Monday to hopefully receive a clean bill of health. This was all quite hard to hear and go through so I can't imagine how it will be when Kyle and I have kids!

In June, we had a great week at Falls Creek (youth camp). Following Falls Creek, I finished up online courses for ECAP (alternative teacher certification training). The first 3 weeks of July, I attended ECAP training classes five days a week from 9-4 in West Fort Worth. The following week, I had an I-Term at SWBTS that met from 8-5ish Monday-Friday. My July was booked from head-to-toe in classes!

In the midst of ECAP training, a great young lady from the youth ministry, Kelsey Williams, moved in with us. She'll stay with us at least until she graduates from high school here in Everman in May 2012. While not replacing her parents, fulfilling parental responsibilities are certainly a new venture for Kyle and me. We're praying we will provide a stable, loving, Christian environment in which Kelsey can grow closer to the Lord and flourish.

We also suffered at the loss and suffering of a dear family in our church, the Medinas. We love this family, are saddened by the loss of their baby, and pray for Audrea's small intestine transplant at an unknown date in the future to be successful. We're amazed by the family's faith in God during this time.

A good friend, Stacy Martin, got married on July 31 to Cole Zachary and I was blessed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. A few days following the wedding, I cut off my hair and sent in another donation to Locks of Love. I'm loving the ease and feel of the new hairdo. Justin Greer, a gentleman at our church with long, curly rocker-esque hair also cut his hair off for donation. Thanks, Justin!

This week Kyle and I took a quick trip to Mexico to look into future missions opportunities for the youth and possibly the church as a whole. We had a wonderful time (pictures are up on Facebook), met fantastic believers, and enjoyed great food in large and small cities (Zaragoza, Tio Pio, Moreles, Monclova, and Sacramento). Dr. Don Fawcett, Bro, Jose, and Bro. Jonathan were a joy and great encouragement to be around. We are hopeful God will allow us to serve in the future with some of the people we met this week.

Future plans: Lock-out this Friday, trip to the lake with the youth after Labor Day Weekend, fulltime classes this Fall, graduation December 10th for me and Kyle (!!!), and hopefully I can begin teaching Biology at Everman High School in December or January.

Oh, yes, and I need to study for my Biology content test so I can be certified to teach. (Prayers for motivation and studiousness are much needed at this point).

It's been a season of changes and surprises. I'm hopeful about God's future work in our family and our church. I pray that I'm a supportive wife, a loving guardian, and a competent, godly teacher. Your prayers for me in that regard are greatly treasured.

Mission Trip Video

Thanks, Jon, for putting together this video of our youth. We appreciate all of your and Alicia's help on the Spring Break Mission Trip!

When You Don’t Feel Like It, Take Heart

Encouraged by this article by Jon Bloom. Enjoy!

Did you wake up not feeling like reading your Bible and praying? How many times today have you had to battle not feeling like doing things you know would be good for you?

While it’s true that this is our indwelling sin that we must repent of and fight against, there’s more going on.

Think about this strange pattern that occurs over and over in just about every area of life:

• Good food requires discipline to prepare and eat while junk food tends to be the most tasty, addictive, and convenient.
• Keeping the body healthy and strong requires frequent deliberate discomfort while it only takes constant comfort to go to pot.
• You have to make yourself pick up that nourishing theological book while watching a movie can feel so inviting.
• You frequently have to force yourself to get to devotions and prayer while sleeping, reading the sports, and checking Facebook seems effortless.
• To play beautiful music requires thousands of hours of tedious practice.
• To excel in sports requires monotonous drills ad nauseum.
• It takes years and years of schooling just to make certain opportunities possible.

This goes on and on.

The pattern is this: the greater joys are obtained through struggle and pain, while brief, unsatisfying, and often destructive joys are right at our fingertips. Why is this?

Read the rest of the article here.

Can a True Christian Believe the Prosperity Gospel?

I had never really posed this question before but it is entirely appropriate to ask. Listen to Pastor John's response, a response that humbled my perspective.

The Falsity of the Prosperity Gospel

Piper just has a way of saying things that gets right to its core.

Maturation is an inspiration

One of the greatest thrills of working with youth, for me, is getting to see them mature in their walks with Christ. I've been particularly encouraged by my middle school girls who moved up last September from the children's ministry to my Sunday School class. Some of them started off as quite a handful. I butted heads with them a few times and even reduced a couple to tears...but I genuinely love these girls. I'm so happy to see how they are growing and stepping out in obedience to Christ. They did a wonderful job leading in our recent Backyard Bible Club and they'll soon be heading out to Arizona for our church's mission trip. I pray that this mission trip is a challenging time that brings about growth in them for God's glory. I can't wait to see what happens!

Sending and Going

Many people criticize the effectiveness versus the cost of sending missionaries from the West to other places in the world, particularly Short-Term Missionaries. These brief trips are painted as glorified vacations by their detractors. That's a whole other topic, though I'll say briefly that I am wholeheartedly in favor of appropriately planned short-term mission trips. The DG blog gives a brief rundown of why we should still be sending and going.

If you can't sufficiently counter each of their five points, why aren't you sending and going?

No, Mr. President

Wanted to share this video with you and hear your feedback.

Stem Cell Research

I haven't posted in a while because of my position change and just the general busyness of ministry, school, and fulltime work. I did want to share this article that I read this morning. It is a telling sign of our future under President Obama. Please pray for our President, that he will make wise decisions that honor God and promote respect for and appreciation of human life.

The telling article from the Wall Street Journal

I'm a horrible blogger

My recounting this entire lesson below has two purposes. First, it helps to further explain why I'm a horrible blogger and second, I hope it is a quick encouragement to you from a Jr. High SS lesson to spend daily time with God.

Yesterday in Sunday School, the Junior High class addressed the question of why we should spend time with God. I modified the curriculum a bit but here's a quick run-through of the lesson. We began the lesson by discussing the statement, "If something is important to us, we will make time for it." All the students agreed with this statement and we talked about examples of eating, spending time with friends, brushing our teeth, showering, etc. We discussed how God is the most important thing in life and thus, we should make time for Him.

To address the question of "Why spend time with God," we talked about how God wants to be our friend (John 15:13-16) and then moved into how a friendship with God is different than any other sort of friendship. He's always truthful, never lets us down, always does what is right, and unconditionally loves us. The main difference between our friendship with God and our friendship with anyone else is that He's the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, holy God and so, unlike any other friend we might have, He deserves our worship and our obedience. Verse 14 (I believe it was...I don't have a Bible in front of me right now) talks about how if we are His friend, we'll follow His commands. We looked at Psalm 23 and discussed how God is not only our friend but our shepherd and so He guides us, provides for us, and protects us.

We wrapped up by talking about how, if God is the most important thing in life, we must be intentional to spend time with Him. The students said it was hard to find time for God because they are so busy, at which point, we alluded back to the opening statement of "If something is important to us, we will make time for it." We discussed ways to help us purposefully spend time with Him, not just give Him the spare moments we might have throughout the day. Those ways included things like

• having a specified time to set aside and read God's Word and pray
• following some type of Bible reading plan
• having accountability from friends and maybe even following the same reading plan so the passages read can be discussed
• writing notes on the mirror as a reminder to spend time with Him
• making associations between things we do everyday (like brush our teeth or shower) and spending time with God so we are sure to be reminded of it

If we spend time with God, who is our friend and desires to guide us, we will grow to mirror more of His character and less of the world's. The entire month's series involves studying this topic in its various aspects. It's a great way to start off the new year with the right focus and perspective.

So, I summarized all of this to state the obvious at this point: blogging is not a priority in my life and so I haven't made time for it. I am sorry to those handful of readers we have out there. I'll try to post brief updates for those friends and family who do not live in the area.

The way we spend our time reflects, in large part, what is most important in our lives. What is your time reflecting?

Oh, and a quick update on a previous blog. I might have to go back to "hovering" because these girls are not exhibiting the maturity they so boldly claimed to have. Awww....the joys of youth work. :)

Funny post-election video

Maybe I'm just mean but I think this is pretty funny. Poor Obama supporters.




But this one by Mike Huckabee really speaks volumes.

Thanks Rebecca and Audrea for posting these videos.

Youth listen so much more than you think!

We have a couple of particularly lively youth in our youth ministry at our church. They just moved up from the children's ministry so they're quite young and interrupt others, get off track easily, and just talk nonstop. But they ask wonderful questions during Sunday School and have great insights (for example, does God want us to have a president or does He want us to have some other form of government?)! They are pretty blunt, which I appreciate because at I least know where they stand. During church lately, I've been sitting near them because they have a bit of a reputation for goofing off during church or getting up and walking around the church building. I sat by them last Sunday night to keep them from distracting others.

After the service during the youth fellowship, I went over to check out what they were up to (you just never know). One of the young ladies asked why I was always hovering over them. I explained that it was in response to their previous behavior of talking during church, leaving during church, passing notes, etc. They said they weren't children any more and could act good but I hadn't given the opportunity to be more mature. Good point. So, we had a quick test. I asked each of the girls separately if they could recount to me what the sermon was about. Both girls did a surprisingly good job so we've come to an agreement. They can sit several pews away from me during the service BUT they must speak with me after the service about what they remember from the sermon. They might goof off a bit, they might even get up to leave sometimes, but I think they are listening and growing. They'll mature with time and by giving them this room, which can grow into more room later on, I think we'll build good trust.

By giving the girls room to grow, I am also leaving open the opportunity for them to fail. Hopefully, we'll take it in reasonable steps so that they grow steadily but aren't in a position to fall too far. I do not want to set them up for failure by placing in their hands more than they can handle at once. But I also don't want to "hover over them," as one of the girls put it, never demonstrating any trust in their ability to grow in Christ.

Lesson: Youth listen far better than we think.